Saturday, 21 February 2015

Almost 2 years on

An update for you all,

I figured it was time I wrote something on here to close this chapter of my life if you like and update you all on my progress.

Today Odin would have celebrated his 53rd birthday...Happy birthday love I miss you so very much each and every day.

In a month's time it will be 2 years since I lost him.

What happened to Winterwolf? Well for a while she was lost, I was lost. Prior to Odin passing away however I had been hiding in SL with my SL family on an alt. Be it wrong or right I needed to hide in the shadows I was grieving and I needed to be with those who knew me best without all the sad reminders.

With the help of my SL Sister Cara and her Master Jaxx, and a long night of tears and frustration, Milae Lionheart was created, she had been around for a couple of weeks at this stage but really had no name till that night.

Lionheart because after all I am the sister of Cara Lionheart (now of course Doulton) and Milae was a name we chose together that means 'the future' and really she was my future because amongst all the dark days I would emerge the other side a butterfly from the sadness.

Milae became my life and after Odin passed away (by the way as I write this I find it hard not to call him my Owner like I used to) she became the only thing I could log into. Having Winterwolf on was to painful.

I decided to try something new and started DJ'ing in SL which I really do enjoy very much and it was a way of locking the past away by doing something that had no connection. I do wonder what Odin might of made of my DJ sets.

Four months after loosing Odin I embarked on a friendship with a fellow DJ at a club I worked at after he saved me from a set that really was the set from hell. He was my knight in shinning armour as they say. Just over a month later Mackenzie Abbot and myself started a Real Life relationship and also our SL characters became a couple to.

For a while I was worried it was wrong or too soon and I told him all about Odin. We talked about him a lot and still even now Mac wishes he could have known Odin. I really do think they would have got on like a house on fire. A couple of months after we got together Milae became Mrs Milae Abbot and in real life we met as a couple for the first time (oh I should add at this point my real life was also looking up after the birth of my nephew)

Just over a year after Odin's death we moved in together in Real Life and honestly I have never been happier. Of course Odin and Mac are both very different people and I try never to judge one by the other. Although sometimes when situations arise I do wonder if they would have both handled it in the same way. I guess it's only natural.

I do of course think of Odin a lot. Not a day goes past even now when he doesn't pop into my head. His picture is on the Ipod he brought me and everyday when I switch it on I see him. It keeps him with me no matter what.

However at the same time my life has moved on, it's changed, it's evolved and I know that Odin is watching over me. In the early days after he passed he visited me in my dreams and I heard his voice in my head a lot, now though I have less of that but when I see a Rainbow, or smell his aftershave, when his words pop into my head when I need help or when I give advice about something and a sentence he would say falls out of my mouth I take comfort.

Certain songs will make me cry happy tears take today for instance, just after Midnight as I put on my Facebook page a message to Odin to wish him Happy Birthday, Mac was doing a DJ set in SL, I of course was listening even though we were in the same room and Mac announced the next few songs he was playing. One song he mentioned was Hootie and the Blowfish 'Only wanna be with you' and I was gob-smacked. If you have read my blog your know that the first time I was introduced to this song was via Odin and it was one of his favourites. I quickly logged onto my blog and asked Mac what made him decide to play it and he shrugged saying it was for some reason in his playlist. I had never told him about this song so instead I showed him the blog entry and reminded him that today is Odin's Birthday and we both sat there for a moment in silence. Oh yeah we are pretty sure that was Odin's doing and yes I cried as it played but it was tears of happiness and memories. This isn't the first time that Odin has done something like this so we really shouldn't be surprised. I am pretty sure it's that special connection that I had with him in this life that has past to the next.

I am also sure that Odin brought me and Mac together. Little things that happened just have a tinge of Odin about them and for that reason I know he knows I am safe with Mac and has allowed him to pull back and just watch over me as my guardian without needing to be there 24/7

I know he only ever wanted me happy and I am sure he can see that I am. Even Mac has told him that my happiness is his top priority and that I am safe with him that he will look after me. I know if I ever need Odin all I have to do is talk to him. His bright star will always be there to guide me.

I will never stop missing him but this chapter of my life is now closed. Odin brought out the best in me he found the submissive and guided me in his hands I grew and now in Mac's hands I emerge as a stronger butterfly my foundations now have walls.

I will forever love 2 men, Odin and Mac but both in different ways. As for Winterwolf she is not gone or forgotten she makes appearances now and then and she along with Milae has a Photography company to run.

So there we have it in 2 years I have come full circle and moved on with my life, feel free if you knew Selina Winterwolf/Farshore to give Milae Abbot a shout any time you like, I will always have a pot of tea and an ear.

Next month will be hard on March 20th (or 21st in the UK because of the time difference) as I mark the 2nd year of his passing but with Mac by my side I will be strong enough.

So for the final time on this blog, I think Milae will now have her own.

I love and miss you my Owner
love your submissive owned

Now forever and always
Ciao Bello love your Bella x

signed his submissive owned and Mac's Babygirl